Sunday, February 28, 2021



Rakesh my editor has delayed my project by about 4 months as on August 2020. I had to take a cab during the peak of covid to be with him and sit with him to get an output for a presentation. Hates to do such things. Rakesh mentioned that I am a manipulator. 

I am too broke to have a transaction, I am too tired to have a negotiation and maybe manipulation was done. It was done after a delay of four months. A lot of energy was spend. I look at the project and I don't want to watch it. Too much energy spend. Too much time spend. A lot of effort and such delays push me off. I can't push this train all by myself. Last project had Rakesh pulling it from front and me , Vysakh and Rahul pushing it from behind. Prabhu helping eventually to complete it.  I am tired and I am not happy.
I decide to shoot a scene just to get back into the project but then I realised my lead actor is out of town. If he was available I could sneek in a few scenes and finish it. I cant. I organise everything and Nikhil , Sreenath ,Zhinz Shan, Vysakh and everyone agrees but my DOP is in the containment zone. I fix everything and sits for sometime when a moment of clarity strikes me. What if one our members get covid. Is the risk worth the reward. Why should I shoot something at such haste so that my editor can delay it another four months. I am tired. I want to pull out of the project. I decide that I am going to delete everything about the project. I will regret this. Maybe I won't.
However without producing a content without writing and shooting I may go crazy. I decide on what I can shoot in this period. I wrote a sci-fi screenplay in three days. Took a toll on me. That is stupid. I want to cast my friend Sanju SIVARAM as lead but he will probably think I am crazy.
As I took a break and got a little refreshed as I took class on Screenwriting an idea struck me. I had earlier written something about a real estate investigator hunting down a serial killer. I had pitched this to a producer and they wanted a known face. I could visualise Tovino in it and they agreed. However I am not mentally prepared to meet convince/with Tovino who by the way is a gentleman in our brief association. I had written 10 drafts of it and once read it out to Sandra, Rahul and Shyamin. They hated it and then I had changed it. In the attempt to completely revisualise it I had taken out one of the back stories and decided not to tell that part. That backstory had some serious drama element. If I worked on it for a week I could create a noir out of it.

Every noir follows a pattern. A person searching for truth, a fem-fatale with a case, a dark underbelly of crime and degradation of the protogonist in a world of capitalist crime. This pattern will be followed in Kraya Vikraya Prakriya. The lead character should be a 45 year old man. The lead character needs to be a good actor too. A person who will passionately push the project miles ahead. I speak to Zhins Shan. I decide to write the content and do all production roles myself. One month later we have two episodes of Kraya Vikraya Prakriya and I don't regret the decision. It's not the kind of expression I usually do. It has a quirky foreshadowed n it has a lot of 'Tell and Not show'. It has actors doing convincing parts and not scenes evolving organically. I know a lot of people might judge me for the piss puddle shallowness and lack of philosophy and stuff. But FUCK THEM. I decide to work new wonderful actors and ask them if they want to contribute.  They will have fun. I will have fun If something affects my intend of having fun that will be eliminated. It will be a compelling story in my /our It will be in my comfort zone and still help me learn about storytelling skills. 

KRAYA VIKRAYA PRAKRIYA is taking shape and so is the happiness in my heart.

Thursday, February 11, 2021


There are days when nothing seems right and the thought of ending everything without giving a chance for a new start arises. The pain on my lower disc has entered into its 11th year now. I can't possible even think straight.

I have found a new producer for the movie PurushaPredham written by Manoj Sir and Screenplay by Ajith. We are waiting for actos dates. Prashant Chetan seems not interested.  

 I really don't want to be a fish in this pond. i just want to make films , Make breakeven money and kill myself or die whenever the time is right.

The pain is too much and the valium is making me rant. I am lonely. Vrithakithyil is not yet sold and Purushapredham is in the the desk. Aavasavyuham will finish in march. I do not want to make malayalam films. This is one thing that i am clear.