Thursday, September 20, 2018


"Lower your expectations. Don’t try to find happiness through others. They’re busy. Like you are."

When I was doing 'Utsaha Ithihasam' I was suffering from a terrible depression. I used to take a knife and cut myself at places so that the blood and the pain would help me forget whatever the cause of my depression was and get through the day. The reasons for the depression were sometimes clear. Marriage, family, parents , money, the trouble with no work or less work, no close friends around. Sometimes it was not so clear. I used to get in to the loo to shit and the sound of water used to get me sad and loose out for hours together. I couldn't tell it to anyone because I had lost faith in people close to me. I may have mentioned it a few times  when I felt like opening up but they didn't know what to do. I am somehow glad that I could understand that I was going through depression. I wanted to jump of the building sometimes or hang myself in my room. The only reason I didn't do it was because that would surprise my wife and more importantly I was yet to make a feature film. I wait for her to come in the evening because it makes me feel so loved and wanted. 

i made it a point to meet my friends (or even people who are almost friends or friendly people) so that once in a while my brain gets filled with random noises and happiness. This had kept me alive.

Not to mention that I was also happy when i was not depressed. There was no intermediate stage of calm and silence. It was extreme

Me and Venu during Utsaham Shoot Gokarna

me shooting Utsham at Kuzhipalli beach

Ratan, Sasi , Me and Syama at Seagul after a dinner

Tarun , Saira and Me at some pub after a lunch

Me , Kiron , Dheerej and Nistul's wedding

Now I am shooting my feature film. It was not as big as i expected to be. It is a small independent content.

Wednesday, September 5, 2018


Utsaha Ithihasam ended up winning the "BEST DRAMEDY" at Seoul Webfest. A proud moment for everyone associated with the content. The Webseries was represented by Rahul Rajagopal one of the lead actor, Syama Bindu the costume and art department and me.



We had a swell time and surprising win